Hatsujirou

Hatsujirou is the best-informed chimper in The Crystal Highlands of Armaria. With a royal cloak and a crystal-laced headset, they project an aura of immense strategic importance. The ancient teacher, Shujin, personally taught them how to listen—to parse truth from the wind and intent from a heartbeat. The issue is what Hatsujirou chooses to listen to. State secrets are a bore. Troop movements are tedious. Instead, they apply their profound training to discovering which wizard is secretly dating a Mystic Cat, or when the next shipment of rare tea will arrive at the fortress. Their perpetually shocked expression isn't from overhearing an assassination plot; it's from learning that Ozawa puts salt, not sugar, in their morning brew. They provide the most accurate, useless intelligence in the entire realm.